Feeling antsy...

I took a sick leave today to see the Academy Awards live. My eyes almost swelled with tears when best director went to Ang Lee. But honestly, as much as I love the movie Brokeback Mountain and feel thorougly proud that finally a Taiwanese director has won the Oscar, what else does this news have anything to do with me? Nothing really... Then why would I even do such a thing today? All because I want to avoid thinking and feeling for a moment.

Exactly what am I avoiding?

In just a couple of days, I will depart from my current company. For as long as I can remember, the longest gap that I had between jobs were no longer than a week since I started working. Weekends were used to make up for the sleep lacked duing the week days; personal holidays were either spent on inter-continental trips to visit ex-ex/ex boyfriends or fulfill my obligations as a daughter. I suddenly realize that I did not leave any space for myself, not that I recall of.

So when a break is around the corner, I feel antsy. I feel the desire to inhale a lungful of cold fresh air while walking in a forest (which there is none in Taipei). And I dream to surround myself with no one but nature and its melodies. I need to let things sink in before I immerse myself in the next job (which is waiting) and the next goal. It'll come in just a few days.

I can't wait...